Friday, December 28, 2007

What do I leave behind?

In exactly 12 hours' time, the plane would be taking off.
With me in it.

The last night in Melbourne, and what do I feel.

Excitement and anticipation; as usual, I miss the people back home.
A sense of relief, maybe? The past few weeks have been fun, but lonely at times.
Deep pangs of sadness... I don't want to leave.
Or do I?

I've foreseen that on this day, this night, the finale to my entire Melbourne adventure, I would be swallowed in a deep sea of emotions, huge pools of turmoil-- flinging me right to the deep end. Wallowing, threading, swimming in misery; weighing down because of my heavy heart.

But how would I have known, that I could feel this way. I feel so much, but yet I feel nothing.
A sense of numbness, maybe? Because saying goodbye was inevitable.
Or a stroke of denial.

Who knows.

To put my feelings into words, analyzing them, reaching in to put them on display seems like an insult what I feel. So I shan't even try.

These pictures are meaningful to me because they were part of our to-do list:

'Photoshoot' in Flinders Lane.

Graffiti lane.

I know it's not final. It's not as if I'll never come back.

But how do you just uproot yourself from a life that you've slowly but surely built up?
How do you say goodbye to a place that you've been starting to think of as home.
Now I understand why YC calls Melbourne her surrogate motherland.
My heart breaks because I am leaving memories behind, the people that I have grown to love so much, and can't imagine not seeing anymore. And I cry for the fact that I am leaving just a little bit of me here.

So I guess this is it, then.
A brave front. A silent sob, a lingering backwards glance, and a whispered goodbye.


Anonymous said...

Hey...I know what you feel...I still have two months more, yet everyday I wonder how am I supposed to leave Dublin, and start all over again in Penang! I don't want to leave. For me Dublin's more of a home u know? And I'm leaving my bf behind too...its hard. You know I hate changes hehe...Anyways, safe trip home! =D

KITMEY said...

you left behind ur legend, hahahha. im waiting for you in kl!!!! and the flinders lane pic looks awesomey with the whole 'on the street' theme. i miss our melbourne times =( things were just so lazy and easy and undoubtedly funnest + most happening ever *perasan*.

Sue Lin said...

Great pix! One more month till my time in Aust ends

U Have a safe trip back!

revel in me said...

ran: Sigh, yeah, it's a feeling which churns your insides out. :(

Looking forward to see you soon! =)

pinkitmey: HAHAHA what legend! Crouching tiger hidden dragon wtf. YAAA our melbourne times are the best timess EVER... I miss you, y'know! =(

sue lin: Awww, lucky you! Enjoy your last month in melb k! Send my love to all the shopping! Heh.