Monday, October 29, 2007
I had a conversation with a friend recently, a friend whom I have only met twice when the conversation took place. He told me that he thinks that I was a shy and quiet girl when I was younger. The comment completely threw me off-course, and I was beyond shocked.
It is true.
I was a very shy and timid child, even in my early-teens. I remember being afraid to even greet my relatives when I see them, that was how introverted I was. I remember entering a story-telling competition when I was in Standard 1, and when I went onto the stage, my brain froze, and I forgot the story that I was supposed to relay. I was almost in tears, and my class teacher had to come onto the stage and gently usher me down the stage. Needless to say, I didn't win the contest. I used to be a mousy kid, and I didn't dare talk to guys. Hell, I was even shy to look at them. I was always in the more popular gang ('cause though I was shy, I still had my sense of humor, thank god), but I was always the least visible girl, the girl hidden in the shadows. I was plump, I was pimply, I felt uncomfortable in social settings.
But the thing is, no one could ever tell. I told this to Smalls, and even she was surprised; she said she didn't imagine me to EVER be shy. I think it happened some time in Form 2. And though I can't put a finger to when the process took place, but just one day suddenly, I was no longer mousy, I was no longer quiet, I was no longer scared. And though I won't claim myself to be a social butterfly, now, I am not afraid to meet new people (I revel in it), I am not scared of speaking in public (it empowers me to have people listening intently to me), I don't feel like a deer caught in headlights when the topic of the conversation turns to me (in fact, I like being the center of attention, heehee), I am not stricken with fear when I go to a party in full swing and I don't know anyone (I just go right up and introduce myself). I speak up. I take on dares to climb onto the stage in the middle of the mall. I have one of the loudest, most embarrassing laughter. I ... stopped caring what people think.
But, nonetheless, I was so thrown off-guard that someone could see through all the changes that I went through. I thought that my past was well-hidden, almost buried. And to have someone see through that, it is unnerving. I felt exposed, naked, vulnerable. I let out a nervous laughter after the punctuation of my friend's comment, but truth was, I wanted to hold him by the collar and ask him, how did he see it? Is it because I still have traces of shyness? Is it 'cause I am still gawky around people? Is it lurking in my eyes? WHY, HOW?
I never did ask him that question.
I guess partly 'cause I am afraid of the answer. But most importantly, it's the powerful revelation that it's all part and parcel of me. The fact that this mousy little girl, could blossom into what I am today, strong, confident, unbreakable; it is a magical process, it is an incredible feat. The fact that I have came a long way. The fact that because I was someone in the shadows, I am more considerate and kind to those who has less attention paid to them. The fact that I place utmost priority on confidence, and I always tell my girlfriends that confidence is the most beautiful thing that they could get their hands on. The fact that because I was once the ugly duckling who was shunned, I am more grateful for who I am today.
The fact that with clarity, I realised that, this is me.
And I can't believe it has been a month since I last saw you. :(
Neither could I believe the emotional wreck I became when through the cold hard laptop screen, I saw you talking to me, all huddled under your covers. The covers which I used to snuggle under with you.
I am sure you didn't believe that I would tear right? ;)
And I bet you didn't expect me to hold up my webcam and slowly turn it around, to give you a 360 degree-view of my room, and telling you to be sad, trying to make you cry too! :D
Sigh, how la, after 4 years, I am still just a big sap.
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Anyway, because I simply could not even get CLOSE to my books, here are the pictures from the hat party I was talking about! :)
Warm and sunny but windy. Flying hats!
Royal Botanical Gardens.
Rebecca, the beautiful birthday girl, who came up with such a lovely idea for a gathering.
And yes, that is my hat! It's sort of a cowboy-like hat, YEE-HAW! :D
In the end, I decided against those flowery, fancy hats, though they would look SO cute in a garden party, just 'cause I know I will just only wear them once and that's it. At least I can imagine pairing this straw hat with sun dresses and denim shorts in summer!
I was actually deciding between this hat and an androgynous-looking one. I was thinking of pinstriped corset and the hat, MMMM! But I figured it would be too overdressed for the garden, but it will look so hot in a club though! :P
Victoria, my hat-quest buddy.
And why am I posing like a 40's pin-up girl here!
The picnic setting.
The weather was so lovely, and I couldn't help but think of Alice in Wonderland and her tea party! :D
But do you see what's wrong with the picture above???
NO ONE WAS WEARING HATS.
There was a scatter of human beings in caps, but NO HATS!
Are we the only sporting beings left on the earth.
This is what you get for inviting Malaysians wtf.
Elaine. NO HAT!
But she is soooo pretty, I would love to bring her home! If not for the fact that she is 5 feet 8. -___-
Victoria kena-ed bird shit!
And she was wagging her finger at me for taking pictures, haha!
She was such an idiot!
We were all eating, and suddenly, she claimed, "There's a bird in the tree!"
And we started looking around, twisting and turning to have a good look at the tree tops.
And she was like, "NO NO, there's a bird in the tree, and it shat on me!"
HAHAHAHAHA, where got people introduce the misfortune in this manner!
And she was extra lucky, 'cause the shit went through the eyelet of her dress; so it didn't dirty her white dress!
The hole is quite small, so it really IS a lucky feat! HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Vic, me, Elaine with a borrowed hat.
Fang the fisherman. -___-
Victoria's hat was circulated around! :P
I didn't let anyone borrow my hat, because I couldn't take off my hat-- I had ugly hat hair! :'(
My hat has a cute bow and little turquoise beads! *heart*
Bec's birthday cake, from Laurent!
Laurent is this famous patisserie that I have been dying to try!
Jaclyn, ahem ahem.
But I never thought that my first time trying it would be while pressing my hat to my head in case it flies off with the gusting wind, and having my toes tickled by the crisp green grass. ;)
Birthday girl with her cake. :)
I think this was easily one of the best birthday cakes I have ever eaten!
It seemed to look really rich, but actually it was just... divine.
Layers of chocolate mousse and custard? Cheese? Cream? (it was kind of melted, so I couldn't tell) with a chocolate biscuit base, I could devour the whole cake by myself! *ambitious* :D
Yihaur, Vic, and I.
Ivan, Yihaur, Vic, me.
I swear to god that Ivan and Yihaur look alike! But they seem to not fancy the idea, haha.
And oh my goodness, it was so sunny yesterday that I swear I am one shade darker now! T___T
Which was why I went to buy a 30SPF sunscreen just now. T_____T
And one thing about wearing huge ass hats, (besides having to chase after your hat like a game of 'tag, you are it'), is that it gives you a lot of personal space!
Because no one can get near to you-- the brim of the hat is too wide. -____-
See, you get squeezed out of pictures! -__-
Bumping hats! :P
Plenty of group pictures:
Elaine, Bec, Vic and I.
I am not sure whether you noticed that Bec changes hats... ;)
She was ordinarily wearing this hat (blue-green), and someone gave her a pink hat during the party, so she had two hats! Wardrobe change wtf.
I don't know the first girl's name :( , Elaine, Jo, Bec, Vic, me, Cheryl (not really sure how to spell it!).
It reminds me of a class picture!
Then we who were sitting down would be the discipline teachers, gosh I am lame.
Hat ladies! Prim and proper. And dainty. And feminine.
Why is my right boob three times the size of my left boob here. -_____________-
Vic, me, Yihaur, Sri Lankan dude (I forgot his name, but I do know that he has a fan club on facebook wtf), Bec,Ivan.
Bec's niece, Isabelle, who followed the hat theme too! *heart heart heart*
I love babies! Clean, powdery babies, haha.
Why do I sit so unlady-like! :(
When I asked Elaine why didn't she wear a hat, she said that her housemate discouraged her from doing so, because she said that "Nobody will wear, don't bother!"
Do you like our poses! Geometry, hehe.
Happy birthday again, Bec! :)
And like I told you, the best present I can give you is by hunching and making you look (and feel) 10 feet tall, haha!
And I just got this in my email...
I think I am going to wear my hat now, pair it with a checkered top and boots, and make a video called "This boots are made for walking".
Friday, October 26, 2007
Smalls - If it's expensive and branded, buy it.
Jaclyn - If don't have sufficient fund, still buy it anyway.
Hui Wen - If it's cheap but looks expensive, expensive but looks gorgeous, just buy the whole shop!
WHERE GOT LAAAA.... T___T
Hellooooo, everyone! I am going for a HAT PARTY tomorrow! A hat-themed picnic party, to be exact! :)
And yea yea, I know it's the exam period bla bla bla. You think hat parties come around often is it????
So anyway, obviously I have to shop for a hat RIGHT? :D
Hell be scorned if I am going to wear my winter beanies/beret/trucker cap for a hat party! -__-
It's the Melbourne Cup (horse race, for the uninformed) soon, and it's a tradition for everyone to dress up and wear all sorts of hats and headgears, thus, hats are in abundance everywhere! :)
With Victoria, who along with me, said "Screw the exams, I am finding myself a hat". :P
And in care you are wondering, all my other flatmates aren't coming to the hat party, because they want to stay in and study. :'(
Why do I look like I have the crazies here! T___T
Here's a clearer (and more sane) picture of me in the hat!
I thought this hat is quite cute, albeit the fact that it looks like a songkok with a phoenix tail.
At least it's something unique! And I can so imagine wearing a cute LBD (little black dress), and silk gloves! And pearls! But then I would be overdressed for the picnic la.
And the more I look at this picture, the more ridiculous I look. -_-
CFM hats wtf.
And if you need to ask me what is CFM, you are an I.D.I.O.T
And we went to Pancake Parlor again!
Everytime I am in Chadstone, I seem to gravitate towards it. -_-
Victoria had WINE!
... and I had an iced chocolate. -_-
Whipped cream from my iced chocolate!
The drink is sinful enough, I don't need the extra calories! *self-reassuring*
Our dessert: Apples and cinnamon with pancake and ice cream!
We had such a filling dinner-- can someone please explain to me why I am so hungry and craving for a juicy burger and fries now? :(
Anyway, I can't wait for tomorrow-- even the weather is predicted to be warm and sunny. :)
Are you curious to see what hat I am wearing tomorrow??!
It might be a tudung wtf.
So long, bitches!
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Final, being the operative word here.
My last examinations of this semester, and consequently, of my entire course.
Since this is the end,
Let's make it pretty.
Me: *trying to stop smiling, but failing miserably* No, I am not!
You: Yes, you are!
Me: How you know!
You: 'Cause I can hear you smiling!
Haha, so cute, I have one piece of hair hanging on your glasses! :D
I am just smiling thinking of our phone conversation just now.
Can you hear me? :P
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Such a good day outside, and I have to stay in to study.
You know what pisses me off even more?
Having a GOOD HAIR DAY, and I have to stay in to study.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Seven things to be done before my death1. To travel to as many places as I could. And I hope to do this when I am young! I don't want to be forty and travelling around the world... Firstly, I wouldn't have the energy to keep up with the presumably hectic itinerary; and secondly, who would want to look at the pictures I took if I am old and wrinkly wtf.
2. Enjoy all the good foods that the world has to offer. I am talking about jet-setting to every country for their culinary delights, visiting the top 50 restaurants in the world, squatting next to the drain to try the well-known hokkien mee... I want it all.
3. I am not really adventurous person in terms of extreme sports (roller-coasters are my limit wtf), but I would want to try bungee-jumping/hang-gliding/para-sailing/ab-sailing. And I want to ride in a yacht! Or better yet, sail one. :) And oh yea, scuba-diving. And plain diving. And I want to ride in a helicopter!
Oooooh, this reminds me of this picture.
H for Hui Wen! HEEHEE.
4. I want to lavish all my loved ones with gifts, just to let them know how much they mean to me, and how much I appreciate them being in my life! So cliched, but I think it's the least I can do for the wonderful people in my life. And this itself is going to cost a bomb, 'cause my sisters themselves would require the Louis Vuitton empire to satiate them, and I would need to buy the whole Manchester United team so that they could entertain the boyfriend... A brand new wardrobe + designer bags for the flatmates, the most extensive collection of sex toys for my best friends WTFF, all the best food and luxuries in the world for my grandparents and parents...
5. Which leads to the fact that I have to be financially comfortable financially-free FUCKING EFFING RICH. It's a ll a matter of get rich, or die trying. -_-
Ok la, I want to be well-off, but most importantly, there are certain goals and ambitions that I need to achieve. For myself.
6. Have sex in a public place.
7. Anal sex WTFFFFFF. -_-
Ok, on a serious note, I just want to try all the things that I have never tried before-- I am talking about random things like swinging on a parallel beam in a gymnasium, rolling on grassy meadows dotted with pink daisies, try wasabi ice cream, kiss on the Eiffel Tower, dye my hair red, appear in a magazine (haha!), sleep on 1000 thread-count bedsheets, french kiss a girl, wear leather pants, sit on a cannon, pierce my belly, tattoos(???), movie marathon with girlfriends (yet to be done! T_T), have my kids try the chocolate chip cookies that I baked-- fresh out of the oven, cut my hair tomboy-style, have my parents respect all that I have built for myself, to be a source of inspiration to someone, go to Tokyo again--but with my sisters, eat ice cream with the boyfriend in the park... :)
Seven things I will not do even if it kills me1. Be ugly.
2. Not shop for the rest of my life.
3. Not being able to eat good food. And oh! I can't even not eat meat! -_-
4. To not be myself.
5. To give my body up for personal advantages.
6. I was going to say, to kill someone. But what Smalls told me that day about the movie 'Saw' is quite disturbing-- it basically portrays what lengths would people go to survive-- which includes, taking a risk on your life ('cause you have nothing to lose already), and killing others.
I am very perturbed after hearing her synopsis of the movie, and it made me wander, just how far I would go to sustain my life.
And well, I am not sure how much I would do (I think people, when presented in extreme situations, would react in the most unexpected way), but it's safe to say that I will not let any loved ones die.
7. To not realise my dreams, my ambitions, and my full potential.
Seven things I do when I’m away from public1. Cut my toe nails.
2. Do my girlie stuff-- epilating/shaving/plucking.
3. Try on clothes in front of the mirror. *shy*
4. Admire my reflection.
5. Shower. And sing. Really loudly. While holding the shower as a mike. In a falsetto voice.
6. Check for breast lumps WTF.
7. I have come to the conclusion that there's not much I wouldn't dare do in front of the public. I would fart if I have to (but of course I will apologise. Or blame the person next to me HAHAHA), I sing really loudly anyway, I honestly won't mind if people see my applying make-up/lotion/facial mask etc. I am what you get! Keep it real yo yo yo wtf.
Seven fav sentences/quotes/expressions1. Fuck you lah! (said amidst a fit of giggles)
Used when people insult me... T__T
Yes la, my comebacks SUCK. T____T
2. Are you SERIOUS?
Used whilst gossiping-- when find out new unbelievable (read: juicy) details.
Used only with the boyfriend-- imagine the most miang, sweet-syrupy voice you can imagine.
Yea, only we can stand each other. :P
4. I am hungry!
Used... almost all the time. -_-
5. Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.
Carrie: Honey, if it hurts so much, why are we going shopping?
Samantha: I have a broken toe, not a broken spirit.
-Sex and the City-
7. I like my money right where I can see it--hanging in my closet.
-Sex and the City-
Ok, the tag still has the following parts,
Seven things I’ll make you wish you didn’t do if you did
Seven people to tag
but it's time for me to get my butt back to the books! T__T
So I am going to end here.
I swear to god, this thing is the best time-waster EVER.
And on a SUPER DUPER HAPPY DELICIOUS ECSTATIC BESTEST NEWS note, guess what did my mommy just bought for me for my graduation present? ;)
LV Damier Alma.
Waiting for me back home! :D :D :D
And oh, speaking of one of the things to do before death, here's one thing to NOT to do:
I ran out of underwear today, 'cause I haven't done my laundry, and I wore french lace briefs to my tae-box class.
Let's just say it was ITCH KINGDOM. -_______-
Don't ever ever try that!
Sunday, October 21, 2007
I think studying, or rather the lack of studying is playing with my mind.
I just CAN'T SEEM TO FUCKING FOCUS.
The words substantive procedures, tests of controls, solicitor's representation letters, ethical/legal requirements, key assertions, balance dates, audit reports, are all blurring into one giant lump of black gooey line-up of the word BOREDOM.
Bored. Bored. Bored.
That's all that's chiming in my head now. Like little irritating jingles of bells. Or windchimes. Don't you just heard the sound of windchimes? Especially those tinkly ones. Oh, and when they chime in the middle of the night! So scary.
Anyway, pictures of a time when I still bothered to be fully dressed.
At St Kilda.
Mey, me, Smalls.
And do you see the guy lounging on the chair at the corner???
This is his son playing the drums (presumably to earn kind contributions from passerbys), while he sits in the shade in a corner! -______-
Smalls, I know you've been pimping this dog to be your ride to university...
Just want you to know that I have found this huge ugly mongrel lined up for your birthday, HAHAHA.
Pausing in the middle of the street.
I have never actually been to the streets of St Kilda! I loved it... There were just so many bustling cafes lined up there, the fresh aroma of coffees, the colorful and enticing arrays of cakes, the random musician playing his keyboard at the sidewalk... Baby, I wished we found this little jewel of a stree. :(
I love this set-up on top of a hair salon! :D
Kind of reminds me of my Barbie doll/ Polly Pocket days.
We kind of purposely ventured to St Kilda for breakfast... :D
My Big Breakfast.
Kind of disappointing. :(
Am I a dork for liking the murals in the cafe? :P
Big breakfasts for everyone! So cute. :D
Just to let you compare how I look like when I am caught unaware on the camera, versus when I am actually posing. T___T
The last time I was at St Kilda, I had my boyfriend to take pictures with, and this time around, I have Kit Mey.
No difference la, they are almost the same height anyway, haha.
I. Love. You.
And a random picture...
Mascots running around giving free hugs.
Anyone want to give me some? :)