Wednesday, February 06, 2008

No, seriously.

Something has been bothering me. Kind of. Slightly. Somewhat.

Something someone said to me some time ago... Over one too many french fries and McFlurry, and casually flung jokes. While shaking his head, a friend; a new friend in fact; said to me after bursting into laughter at one of my punchlines,

"You're too joker la."

After some probing and hounding, he told me that I am just too "joker", and that it's very hard to take me seriously. He even added that it'll be harder for people (superiors and peers alike) to take my words seriously in my career, and I'll have to work harder than anyone to be taken seriously.

Wow, what a slap in the face.

And what blatant mockery, especially after my recent post about the the importance of humor to me.

All my life, humor has been my way of life. When something bad befalls me, I try to be optimistic, I try to see the humor in the situation-- a lightened spirit is the strongest during the low tides. And how many times when you are fighting with someone, be it a loved sibling or your partner, amongst all the hurtful words thrown so carelessly, the scream and shouts, the seething and boiling, if you could just manage to make the other person crack a smile by making a random funny comment, most likely, soon after you will find both of you smiling and even laughing, and all the anger would have at least partly dissipated. When I meet someone new, as uncomfortable as I am in a new social setting, I say something funny to break the ice. When a friend or a loved one is in distress, as much as I will verbally/emotionally encourage the person and talk sense to the person, I try to inject a little humor into my words; because sometimes, that first break of smile is what it takes for the person to see the light.

Humor is just how I deal. It's my... defense mechanism.

Sometimes if I hear certain not-so-nice things about me, I'll just make a joke about it and let it slide. Just 'cause I let it pass doesn't mean I am a coward, but it just means that I know to be able to laugh at yourself, depicts a bigger soul. In times where I am unhappy, or where things don't go smoothly well for myself, and everyone gives me "Are you okay?" looks and share sympathetic glances with each other, I put on my funny mask. I make jokes about my situation, to create a facade that I am OK. It's an armor, I admit; but sympathy doesn't bode well with me, and I don't like to appear vulnerable. :(

All along I don't mind acting stupid, because I know only truly confident people could not worry about what the outside world think about them. I make jokes, because I enjoy making people laugh, I love entertaining people. But now, only I found out that I am a joker...

I am a clown.

I thought I was so comfortable with myself. That's why, I don't understand why a simple casual comment could jolt me out of my comfort zone. Even my mom said to me recently, "Girl, why are all your actions so... BIG! Like boy! Tsk tsk... I have no idea how you'll be like when you're working! You won't make it! You better change! Tsk tsk!" in response to me laughing loudly while doing Hip Hop dance in the car. T___T

To hear even my mom saying that to me is hurtful to a certain extent. Doesn't my mom wants me to be me? And my biggest worry is when I step into the working world, I guess. 'Cause what my friend said about me not being able to be taken seriously really scares me. I am afraid I will have to stifle myself when I start work; that I have to reconstruct a corporate hui wen. Someone who is not me.


Sigh, just wanted to rant. I was just caught in a moment of weakness. I. am. good enough.

So what do you think? Would you take this girl seriously?













mustardqueen said...

Why I so black wan??? You didn't "screen" me ar?? :(

rae said...

omg my mom just said the same thing today! she said i use alot of big gestures when i talk! how now! she said must tone down my tom boyish side T_T
CNY period so parents are allowed to kutuk kids issit haha. they can say anything they want cuz they have the ang pows in their hands hahaha.

Anonymous said...

No worries girl...I have been named as a bimbo several times by my frens... I understand what u mean..sometimes I do not mind being called a bimbo if my frens and I were humoured by my actions or gestures..

Anyway, I had survived thru in the working can u... =)

jmeei said...

I would take you seriously!

And issokay I get that a lot.

Apparently I need to be more girly so Tze Aud and Suet are gonna give me a makeover when they're back. I'm a bit afraid

KITMEY said...

Taking you seriously?

These 'new' friends only see the surface of you, they know not the real hui wen and what she is capable of when it comes to acheiving goals in life. If i were to say, you're in every advantage to be able to prove them wrong. Confident, extremely smart & funny is the one combination most would die to have, you should be very proud of yourself ;)

Anonymous said...

hey sorry off topic.. but i LOVE jing's gold necklace.. where did she get it?

Anonymous said...

As much as I would love to say that we each should be who we are and show that to the world, I believe that who we are right now is not exactly who we really are just yet. It would actually be sad to think that we have nothing more to refine in our lives, that would just mean we have everything to change.

I believe in striking a balance, being your opinionated self and yet holding a lady like demeanour. It's all part of growing up.

So when someone tells you to be who you are, you say I will BECOME who i am =)

Happy CNY darling

revel in me said...

mustardqueen: I tried, but could not be helped. :(

rae: Ya la, why our moms don't let us be! Don't they appreciate our sparkling personality! T___T And my parentd gave damn little ang pao, not enough to conrol me wtf. :P

yan ping: Haha, I haven't even started on the bimbo thing! I am sure plenty of people thinkg so. -___-But yea, like you said, as long as it entertains people, I don't really bother to correct them. ;)

jmeei: Thank, my dear! That means a lot to me. :) Although you don't know me that well yet wtf.

And oh my god, going under their hands??!! I'd be scared for you! -__-

pinkitmey: OMG, love, that's the sweetest thing that anyone can say. :) What you said is so inspiring, albeit, you think too highly of me la! :P

anonymous: She wasn't wearing any necklace! :P The gold chain's actually attached to her top. :)

smalls: Hmm, that isn't really the main point of what I wrote. My main worry was that I couldn't be taken seriously, because I am deemed as 'too funny'. But referring to what you said about what we are is not what we have yet to become, I agree to a certain extent. Because at this point of our lives, how we are like, should form some sort of core to what we are already. I am not saying that you shouldn't or can't improve, but the character/personality should be quite in-built. Me and my inner peace and self individuality theories again, I guess. :)