Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Day 7. :(

My mom and my sisters are gone. :(
Will you all look down on me if I told you I cried. :(

It feels like Melbourne all over again, when I first went there. The cold, lonely feeling that grips you tightly around the heart. The notion that nobody is there for you; you are out for yourself. The helplessness, because you don' know how to build a life by yourself. The empty room that greets you.
And the tearing in buses and trains during those long trips, and the feigned nonchalance in brushing off those tears.

Today at 7.30am, was the last time I saw my mom and sisters, right before I creeped out the room to go to work. As mentioned sometime ago, I purposely arranged for them to take the 3pm bus home-- so that I wouldn't have to see them leave. I have never been good in saying goodbyes.

While I was bustling around the room in the midst of getting ready, while trying not to wake my mom/sisters up; my mom has already awaken. In hushed tones, she asked me is there anything that I would like: sundries etc. I saw her looking at me while I get ready. I wanted so much to cry then, but I just took silent deep breathes and continued applying my blusher.

Then I heard a stifled sniffle from Jing. And I recalled the text message on my mobile phone's message screen that I accidentally saw yesterday-- Jing borrowed my phone to text her boyfriend. I only caught a glimpse of the message before I cleared it off, but I saw the words "I am emo now coz my sister is leaving tomorrow".

Another deep breath from me, another choked back sob, I steeled myself.

Right before I left the room, I climbed onto the bed to give my mom a kiss on her cheek, and murmured "bye!" cheerily. Forced cheeriness. I would have loved to give my sisters kisses as well, but I knew I was that close to sobbing. So I just blew both of them fly-kisses and said "MWAH!" in an unnaturally high-pitch voice. Then I closed the bedroom door behind me.

What they didn't know was I cried for a few minutes at the front door before letting myself out.


Anyway, enough with my emo crap. In an attempt to return some normalcy to this entry... before I left, the boyfriend and I tried out some fun dates, so here are some pictures! And you god damn better appreciate these pictures, because I just found out that my external hard disk has crashed-- all my pictures are gone!! Thank god I haven't deleted them from my camera-- so I uploaded them onto my laptop again. T_T

We went to GSC Signature, in Gardens! It's supposed to be a luxury-concept cinema, which is a notch better than the average cinemas, but of a slightly lower class than the exorbitantly priced Gold Class seats! :)

Priced at RM20 per ticket, apparently most people rather fork out the extra RM8-RM10 (as compared to the usual movie ticket rates) for the comfy seats in GSC Signature! :)

My hair color quite brown right. *big shiny eyes*

Imagine my terror during the "Dress Code" talk in orientation today, when the speaker said that only natural hair colors are allowed for the company. T___T

What is this! So strict right! T_T

Some pictures of the cinema:

Posh right! Kind of looks like a bar/pub/cafe. :)

They have cafes dotting the cinema-- easy access for food! But the food prices come with a premium though.

Whilst browsing the Gardens...

Damn sohai-looking!

I really really really miss the boyfriend. :(
It's day 7 since I have seen him. :'(((

And as usual, my outfit!


Pray for me that I will get to go home in 2 weeks time k. :)


Anonymous said...

i think you lost weight. hang in there k, you will be fine! *hugs*

The Faux Fashionista said...

Awww *hugs* I choked abit when reading your post because I know exactly how you feel. That empty feeling. Anyways, its good to know you're only a few hours drive away from home, not a few hours plane ride, or worse (like me) 20 hourse plane ride 15000 miles away :) Cheer up, you'll be back home before you know it!

And eiyer why your company so boring one....natural hair color as in cannot dye at all or natural as in natural "looking"? (browns, auburns, etc. Nothing dramatic) If cannot dye at all means like high school days lorr...

Anonymous said...

T_________________________T cry for a few minutes at the door why you can tahan wan! when i left ben in heathrow i was clinging onto his jumper he had to pry me off him WTF

vss3t said...

hui wen, it would be a lie to say you'll be fine. but be strong k!!

Anonymous said...

T_______________T come back soon ok imma wait for you wtf

mustardqueen said...

hello my favourite buruh asing... =3 haiya dun emo la Imma buy you bus ticket now

Cynthia said...

dont worry love, you'll do okay. Hang in there! hugs

Anonymous said...

Come... let me give you a big hug. You poor thing.**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**HUGS**

Kathryn said...

yea babe.. you lost weight more and take care of yourself! (:
your first few paragraphs made me tear... made me miss home .. wuwuwuwuwu ...

sharon said...

i teared when i read this post :(
hope you're feeling better by now! :)

Suet Li said...

so sad i almost cried too T_T so close to your sisters so nice T__T why your company so strict one so how you have to dye black back??

revel in me said...

melissa: Haha, you mean I look thinner in my S'pore pics? 'Cause these pics are from about 2 weeks ago! :) Sigh, thank you, dear, I really hope so. *sad smile*

faux fashionista: Yaa! I don't even dare re-read my post, lest I emo again. :( But yaaa, S'pore is quite near, but unfortunately, due to work commitments, I am not sure how often I can go home. And even if I go home every week (which is impossible), I will be only be home for 1 day. :( And haha, I am not sure, they emphasized on natural hair color-- as in the color you're born with! -_- But I am going to insist that I was born with brown hair if they interrogate me. :P

tzeching:DAMN SAD RIGHT! Somemore I couldn't let my make-up smear, 'cause going to work. :( You damn poor thing! But you will be seeing home soon. :(

vss3t: Being strong is not synonymous with being not sad. :( But thanks, love, I really appreciate it. :)

aud: T______T I will come find you soon! Or you come find me even better! :D

mustardqueen: T___T Why you also call me buruh asing! Thank you for the tickets, dear! <333

cynthia: Thank you, dear! T_T

anonymous: WHY ARE YOU SO NICEEE. T_______________________T Thank you! How you know I really need a hug now. :(

baby kat: No la, I don't think I have lost weight until it's obvious! But admittedly, I haven't really been eating. :( No appetite. :( And you're in Monash? :))) aww, why aren't you back home for the winter break? :(

shasha: Why are you so empathetic. T____T Thank you, love, I am feeling a teensy.. stronger (would be a better word) now! :)))

suet: T_____T Don't encourage my emo-ness ok! T_____T Ya la, I damn miss my sisters la, we too close already, now I don't know how to live apart from them. :'( And YAAA damn strict right! But don't care la, I am going to bluff them that I was born with brown hair. ;)

Anonymous said...

I so know how you feel. I still feel the same way after a year plus of being away from home. I think it's a feeling/emotion you'll never get rid of. They'll creep up every once in a while. But the good news is, it gets better. You'll learn to adapt. Plus, it's not like you haven't done that before. :) Hugs!

Anonymous said...

cheer up,ur one tough cookie okayyy. :)

Anonymous said...

Why do you need to work in Singapore? Can't you find a job here?

Anonymous said...

I might join you in the kiasu land soon because my family want me to go back home. Therefore I am not applying PR anymore. So sad!!!

k said...

okay since everyone is being emo and all...
i'm going to make a bad joke to lighten the mood.

at least now you can earn your cash to buy your marc jacobs bag!!!

okay la i dunno how.
cheer up.

remember those times you were in secondary school and you sat around with your girlfriends talking about "how you couldn't wait to get out of here!" and "how you wish you could earn your own cash and start working!".

that moment is finally here!
embrace it. =D
i can't hardly wait. and i've got 4 years to go.

jeanchristie said...

you'll be alright, i know you will ;)
being able to go home at least once a month will help too.

it did me wonders heh, especially seeing that the longest i've ever been at home now is a week since ... 2 years + ago

Anonymous said...

i know the feeling - when my dad left me in brisbane for the first time last year and he walked off into the airport, i was stifling my sobs when giving him my last hug.

:( family is love.
i wish i could fly home and see my family too.

but know that this whole experience is a really crucial step in maturing and moving forward! change is the essence of life. rest assured that you're not alone in this, and family is always a phone call away! take great care and you can do this :))

revel in me said...

anonymous: YESSSSSSS exactly! Even after you have fully immerse yourself in the new life, or at least get used to it, the feeling never really goes away, it crops up form time to time. :( I am still at the initial phase, where that feeling is.. practically omnipresent. :( But thank you, love, for your kind words, I certainly wish for them to come true. :)

missycheerio: But cookie can crumble! :'(

anonymous: Well, there were many reasons why I decided to work in S'pore, the more main reasons are: I want international exposure, better learning experience, better pay... Of course, there are still more of them, maybe I'll talk about them one day. :)

the one opposite SEF: Omg, I was in the same situation as you! My dad was quite against me taking up a PR. =/ You don't want to go home too? Yayyyyy, I have company! :P
(shit, I am like damn mean hor. T_T)

skim: Haha, actually, I have saved enough to get the bag! Might be getting it soon. :P And haha, to tell you the truth, I don't think I have ever said that I want to get out of school and that I want to work/earn my own money!!! T_T But mwahhhs, for your cheering up! :P

jean: OK, what you said is super discouraging ok! T__T Never home for longer than a week!! Now I feel like dying. T___T

defragment: I HAD THE EXACT SAME EXPERIENCE! Omg omg. But mine was me sending my dad out of my hostel door-- he would leave to the airport by himself. I hugged him before he walked off, and my eyes were already welled up with ears. Seeing him wheeling his travel bag and walking down the curving paths, I really felt my heart wrenched in pain. :( But THANK YOU, dear, you couldn't have given me a more meaningful or inspiring/encouraging end to your comment. :))))

Sue Lin said...

!!!! I found it so hard getting emotionally prepared for work, i dont know if i could do it if i had to be in another country like u!

Only natural hair colour is allowed?

Do they mean natural-ish as in browns and some reds and NO pinks, greens etc or do they mean natural as in from the root?!

OMG, its like school if its the latter!

Anonymous said...

I don't want to work in the kiasu land. I love Australia; I love the culture; I love the people here. I don't want to go back. Even if I go back, I will still apply off shore PR. I will come back to settle down here one day. Over here, I am who I am. But if I go back, I need to be who they want me to be.

No matter how my family against my idea to stay here, I will still come back later on. I am old enough to make my own decision and choose where to go. I graduated with the degree that I don't like. I already sacrifice my entire life to Accounting so I will stay firm with my decision to stay and work in Australia. If Australia offer me citizenship later on, I will take it because I see no point to go back to Malaysia, the place where I got no freedom at all.

Haha, sound emo?! Yeah, I am because I just had little arguements with family regarding to this issue. But anyway enjoy your work because I am still unemployed in this Koala land.

jeanchristie said...

huiwen: hahaha, no lah, i stayed back in melbourne to get my PR hence the lack of "holidays @ home". But yes, the reality of 15 days annual leave is harsh :(

To compensate (in a horrible way), is to accumulate OT hours (and hope that at least 40% get approved) WTF!

I need to resign and get a life T_T

revel in me said...

sue lin: YAAAA exactly what I am feeling. :( It's bad enough I have to adapt to a completely new phase in my life, I have to do it in a new foreign place, sigh. :( And ohh, they stressed on hair colors that you are born with. =/ But I don't care la, as far as I am concerned, I am born with brown hair! :P

the one opposite SEF: Wowww, looks like our situation is very very similar. :( I too, was forced into Accounting. It's something that I do not like, let's just say it's something that I can tolerate. Like you, I wanted to get a PR, but my dad was against it. I am in Singapore now, because I don't get freedom back home. For all that's worth, the only thing that is keeping me going is that this is going to be a temporary thing, I don't intend to be in Accounting forever. :) Good luck, dear, with your path, I wish you all the best, and most importantly, happiness with your route taken. :)

jean: I get 14 days only! :( Sigh, it's like a catch 22.. You have to work damn hard like a dog to get back rest time. T___T

Anonymous said...

Something to share with you even though I don't know you in person. Haha... Heaps of interviews coming up here and I think I will be staying here to work but not the kiasu land =) The jobs that I am getting are all about marketing and management but not ACCOUNTING=)
July going to be a busy month for me. Jobs, PR's application, scary results for both uni and IELTS. Enjoy yourself in S'pore? I have family there actually but still I don't want to work my assess off just to survive. More prefer relaxing life so Melbourne is the place for me.Good luck and hope to hear from you soon =P