Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Getting a little personal.

Today, something most unexpected happened.

Whilst halfway being pressed for work by my senior manager, suddenly her impatient instructions took a turn, and she started talking to me about my performance for the year. The strange thing was, she actually told me really nice things.

What is strange about this incident, is 'cause this came from a superior who has given me hell and hell only for the past year. Someone who has such high expectations, who has chastised us non-stop for so-calledly sub-par work, who has made me question my abilities. When I have jobs with her, my stress levels run so high that it bursts the roof. Because of her, I have missed my period twice. In fact, my severe break-out now is very much caused by her; or at least working with her.

This is possibly one of the more personal posts I have done in a bit. But what you all don't know is, at one point during the earlier part of this year, I was feeling so inadequate that I broke down and cry on the phone with the boyfriend. Having not enough rest almost 24/7, yet being chased and hounded all the time, and getting thrown all kind of tasks which sometimes made me feel I am over my head; it was crazy.

And yet, now she tells me I have performed well for the past year. She even admitted that she is too impatient, and that she and all the managers have very high expectations.

It took me by (pleasant surprise), and I felt this sense of.. validation.

It's weird, but since I left university, I have been made to feel ashamed of my sterling achievements in school. It seems that if you score straight 'A's, you are 'book smart', and is thus written off as a straight-laced nerd who is inflexible and inept at.. life, in general. And there are people who make me feel guilty of my academic achievements? I have to admit, at my lowest point, they succeeded. :(

But today, when my senior manager talked to me; she specifically pointed out that I can build very strong rapport with my clients. That I am flexible, and is able to think at my feet. That I am a fast learner, and I pick things up very quickly.


And later, I told my senior about what she told me (you have to understand, this is really a very big thing, 'cause she almost never ever praise anyone!!), and he confessed to me that during their review session, she apparently brought up to him that she thinks I am very suited in this field, and that I can go a long way.

Which is why I am confused now. Is it possible to hate what you are doing, and yet is good at it?


Since some of you have been asking me to post my work outfit pictures, what better time to post some of them now, especially with my big lengthy post on work. :)

All pictures taken with the Samsung Ultra Touch phone. :)

Black and white polka dot puffed sleeves top: Thrifted
Gray slacks: From internship days
Pearl strands: Forever 21
Nude pumps (not pictured): Thrifted

It's amazing that I can still fit into my pants which I bought for my internship a good whole 3 years back? :P (though it's rather snug now wtf) And my pumps, they were a steal at RM18 (got them at a junkyard sale and they were brand new!), and heck, they are one of my most comfortable work shoes.

Pale pink flared sleeves high neck top with back sash: Singapore
Pencil skirt: G2000
Pale pink bauble pearl necklace: Topshop
Black bow pumps (not pictured): Vincci

Vintage houndtooth dress: Online
Pearl necklace: Melbourne
Nude pumps (not pictured): Thrifted

Blue pussy bow flare sleeved top: Thrifted
Gray and black checkered high waisted pleated skirt: Isetan
Pearl earrings: Cotton On
Black and white maryjanes (not pictured): Singapore

And I am at the most awesome client's office now! They gave us a huuuge meeting room with a big living room in it, hello, inviting sofas and couches! And we get this amazing view:

Overlooking the sea, and oh, is that Sentosa Island I see there? :P

Seriously one of the best offices I have worked, mmm mmm.


There are ups and downs in what I am doing. While I can't decide whether I am in this for the long run, for today, for now, I just want to give myself on a pat on the back. :)


Adryna said...

omg where did you bought the vintage dress?!(the 3rd picture) loove it :)
congrats on your job anyways.
i superlove the sharpness of your phone pictures, i bet it has a large megapixel on it. ive seen it recently on tv ads, cool meh. :)

Anonymous said...

u deserve all this!! Happy for u!:D

Irenelim said...

Lovely outfits you have there... all look good on you! Is the Samsung Ultra Touch a review phone? - for I thought you mentioned something like for this 2 weeks only.

Enzy said...

I haven't been reading your blog for some time, but I a little too surprised to see this post. Never really remember you having so much stress in audit the last time I read your blog. I guess audit is a tough job after all.

I've just left audit about a few weeks back. Yes, it is extremely tiring. I didn't have enough rest for the past 2.3 years in audit and I think my health deteriorated so badly too. But I learned to handle the stress.

TBH, if you are to learn time management and learn to handle stress, this is the best time to do it. I've told countless people to not think of audit as a tiring, lifeless job, but an opportunity to learn. It's tough but it's better than giving up and accepting that you're a failure in this field.

It's good to see you getting praises! The thing I love about audit is the people you have to deal with, be it good or bad. Good ppl = happy times. Bad ppl = Funny stories over dinner conversation. Haha.

As far as whether or not audit is the right job for you, well, you decide. Good luck!

jeanchristie said...

I believe ure the kind of person who believe in doing things well despite not really liking it.

all the best? haha ... i think our job sorta grows on you, i find myself actually enjoying the nature of the work. Sad bit being the hours. I hope I can do away with the hours soon enough hehe

ronsensical said...

it is always good to have compliments on your work, it pushes you forward when you are tired. it is possible to hate what you do well in. But why not enjoy it? Not everyone will do as well as you in the field of audit. And my company's auditors not as chio as you. hoho.. *hugs*

smalls said...

congrats love :)

you deserve every bit of praise and then some more
and i believe you can presevere through anything you choose to.

i believe you are a talented person and auditing is just one of those talents. in my opinion,why not embark on a talent that you actually adore?

fourfeetnine said...

awwwww so proud of you /boo

now you know all your hard work is kinda worth it right :D

mustardqueen said...

refer to ur headline star newspaper picture below, maybe it's a sign for you to continue after what you've discussed with us?? Ah LONG on the RUN, think far love :) and knowing ur kiasu-ness i'm quite sure you hate it so much but you just wanna prove that you dun actually hate it that much but deep down you;re still hating it wtf geddit haha =P

Anonymous said...

Reading your blog for quite sometime, and im really proud that you've recieve such a pleasant compliment from someone who hardly gives them.
I say, you deserve it girl. :)

Now all those break outs are worth it yes?

Keep it up! :D

xiang yun said...

Wheeee you deserve it! I feel happy for you also hohoho reminds me of when I was working as a pert-time journalist last year, I always thought I was under-performing. Until towards the second half of the year when my boss kept throwing out of the world assignments at me i.e. covering Deepavali events where they speak nothing but Tamil -___- and huge advertisement clients' events. When I was leaving, he mentioned how much he loved my work enthusiasm and that I was intiative and can work without supervision, made me feel so blessed wtf sorry I said too much. But I seriously feel happy for you!

Josh said...

I think you'll be good at whatever you do whether you hate it or love it, you shouldn't doubt yourself if you ever consider trying something different!

That kind of effort doesn't go unnoticed even though it seems that way.


Jing said...

Omg and you're only putting in 5% effort! *boo* Sooo proud! ;D I wish i am good at whatever i do too, i am still no good with blood WTF!

Anonymous said...

congrats!!!!! i too had a feeling that u were doing very well with all that u were given to do by juz reading ur blog! haha i dunno? mayb its the way u were describing things? i also tot u cld b in this field and m wondering y u dun like it? u seem to b doing very well! haha u deserve a nice !!!!

i'm juz a reader fr malaysia =)

very nice outfits! love them all!!!

revel in me said...

adryna: I got it online, here:! :) The pictures are awesome, aren't they! I really adore the phone, it comes with a 8 megapixel! :D And it's really so gorgeous, will be sad when I return it! :'(

miss hazel: Hahaha, so much love! <3

irenelim: Aww, thanks! But I hate work outfits though, too gloomy, heh. Yeppp, they loaned it to us to review-- and it's awesome possum! <3

enzy: Yea, there was a rough patch that I went through, but didn't feel like dumping it on my blog. :) Aaah you are so lucky! I really can't wait for the day I leave audit. T_T Sigh, I do know that this is a good learning experience, but for me, it's not the stress or workload that I am afraid of, it's 'cause my passion does not lie here. :( Haha, you are so cute! Bad ppl = Funny stories over dinner conversation. Haha! Thanks for the good wishes, I pray that I make the right choice too. :)

jean: Haha, ya, it's the perfectionist in me! :P And hmmmm at the moment it's still vaguely interesting, 'cause we are still learning, but.. not my kind of thing though. I am not much of an accounting type of person, HAHA. Talk more when we meet up! :)

popcorng: HAHHAHA the most uplifting part of your comment was the 'chio' part, hehe. :D Enjoy it? I try to make the best of things, but I do believe my happiness lies elsewhere!

smalls: T________________T I dunno why, reading your comment makes me miss you so much! Thanks for your belief and support, love. I need courage. :(

fourfeetnine: Hahaha, actually not worth it leh! No amount of compliments or praises can make up for my bad skin now. T_T

mustardqueen: HAHHAHA I was so confused!! But I finally got it HAHAHHA! Omg, you are so deep. /boo Anyway, why you want me to be unhappy! :(

anonymous: Wow, thanks love, it's really sweet of you to say that! :) Unfortunately, it's worth this awful break-out I am having now though! :/ But thank you. :)

xiangyun: hahahah your comment put a smile on my face! You sounded so happy! :P And HAHAHAH tamil event hahahah only speak tamil HAHHAHA! I am so happy for you too! :)

josh: Why do you have so much belief in me! *touched* I buy you a gelato when we are in melb k! /boo

jing: EHH this kind of things cannot announce in public, haha! Sigh, dunno what happened to the hui wen who puts in 100%. :(

anonymous: Haha, 'cause I don't think I am much of an accounting person! It's a little...dry for me. :/ Thank you though! <3

wabbit said...

heys i saw u while otw to work on the day u were dressed in dat polka dot top! quite a surprise to actually bump into someone whose blog i have been following for some time. hope u weren't wondering how come tis girl keep on looking at me!!

fab blog btw! i really enjoy ur blogging style!

p/s: u look taller in person than i imagined.. hahaha!!

revel in me said...

wabbit: Oh nooooo, when was it, morning or evening! I must have been looking really disheveled.. T___T Hope I didn't scare you.. T__T And thank you love, both for the comment on the way I blog, and ESPECIALLY for saying that I look tall(er)! You made my day, WHEE!

Christian Girl in Harrods said...

Well done, Hui Wen!! Now u have excuse to shop more, reward what :P