Saturday, March 20, 2010

Come to me.

This weekend is the first weekend that I am home with my sisters gone, both gone.

The first giveaway of their absence is when I stepped into my house yesterday, and the lights in the computer room were off. The lights in the computer room are never off, not at 2am at least. Jing always wait for me in that room, greeting me with a loud bellow of "HELLO" from her seat behind the computer, even before I have taken off my shoes at the door. And yesterday, silence.

I have prepared myself for it, the shock of seeing their empty room. But when I turned the knob of the white wood door, in a strange way, it's as if they have never left. Piles of clothings are still stacked on the floor, despite my mom's numerous threats to throw them away. My only rationale on why they are just left on the floor and not kept away is probably 'cause my maid can't find anymore closet space in the Hoe household. The wardrobes, all 8 ceiling-to-wall doors of them, are mine to play with. But what I really want is for them to be around and to force me to ask for permission before I can take any piece out of the cupboard.

Today, I suffered the first wave of the aftermath of their departure. I realised I forgot to bring my eyeliner back to KL, and usually, I would just walk into my sisters' room and grab their eyeliner. If one or the both of them are there, we will be chattering away whilst I try to stabilise my eyeliner-wielding hand. Alas, I walked to their dresser, and all I see is a lump of tangled necklaces, one stick of old lip balm and an expired tube of mascara. No eyeliner to be seen, and no laughter to be heard.

Dinner was weird. We couldn't even finish off one bottle of wine; usually we have 2 in one dinner seating. When the dishes came, I raised an eyebrow to my mom and asked her, "Are you sure it's enough! The dish looks so small!", and she had to remind me gently that there's only the 6 of us now; my sisters are no longer around. Aah, my sisters, with their appetites which can challenge any living human being, haha. I miss fighting for the last piece of chicken with them. Today, we packed away the unfinished chicken.

I guess there will be more moments like that. Moments where my mom wants to match a ruffled top with a sequined vest and velvet pants, and I choke back my laughter and look for someone to share a singger with, and find no one there. A moment in the car with pop music playing in the background, and my grandma fiddling with her seatbelt on my right and my brother the Kayu (loosely translated to Wooden Plank) on my left, and I have noone to banter with. Moments when my dad brings up trips to Hokaido and it doesn't sound fun without my sisters. And the moments which I am most afraid of, a flash where I will remember that they are gone and I am alone and the world is dark and grey.


melissa said...

You make me wish I had sisters as well..I have 2 brothers instead..haha

Anyway, not sure what to say but time flies and soon they'd have graduated and be back in Malaysia with you! :)

LavenderFloret said...

it was painful reading through this, touching

i can understand that feeling of loneliness, when suddenly you realise the people aren't there anymore

a place that's so familiar with so many memories just changed in ways you can't even start listing

especially when it involves place, it's like they *poofed* into the thin air because it just feels like yesterday when they were there and you can't understand why they aren't there anymore

but you know what? they're still there for you. their hearts are with you, that i know, because i've been reading the Hoe Sisters for so long now. and be happy because you have that

they'll be with you soon, regardless of when or where. you just have to be strong, for them, for yourself =)

nana said...

hey babe! Been religiously reading yr blog, altho i don't post comments anymore. Anyways, i'm in singapore too now! Just reached yst. Hehe . Am here cos Italiannies is opening a new branch at tripleone sommerset. Hope we could meet up one day no? :) i could invite u when we're having mock service. . :) let me knw. :)

nana said...

oh by the way, forgot to insert comment on yr latest post. Aw, i know yr sisters must be feeling the same way like you do.don't worry, time flies. You'll be reunited before you know it. :)

mustardqueen said...

I remember I have an old tub of eyeliner that u gave me cause it was dried off wtf!! =( BOOOOOO Fai fai come visit me then I can turn to my back from my 1970s computer chair and say hello :D *phew* mom didn't throw our shit away eh, =PPP Sigh of relieve wtf

Eh I was serious about the visit me thing!! JUNE IT IS =DD

PVB said...

you made me feel like crying after reading this post :(

Jing said...

Awww, i miss you lafu!!! T____T

P/s: OMG u mean mummy did not throw away all my clothes? :D :D :D

Anonymous said...

You never wrote about you and your boyfriend anymore? Did you two break off?

Anyways, I understand your pain of your sisters being away seeing you girls are sooo close....But hang in there...I'm sure you girls will catch up pretty soon enough...:)

Mrs Chong said...

I have two sisters too...I'm the youngest though..and I don't have a kayu brother. Hehehe..But I know exactly how it feels like!! It felt like that when my second sis left to study in NZ, and now I'm in USM, just 30 minutes away but due to convenience I stay in uni. Also cause if I'm home I'll never graduate cause I'll never do my work. =x

I miss my sisters now. =( I can't go back cause got loads of work to do this week.