Sunday, April 25, 2010

-

I am sure this comes as no surprise to some of you,














but I have broken up.







For a long time I have debated with myself,
whether I should divulge it in my blog,
because really, I am not obligated to.
And I don't like prying people.




But then again,
who am I kidding.
For coming to 5 months,
I have not made any mention of a boyfriend,
so it really shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone.




Most importantly,
I just want to be honest with myself.
And to some of you,
who have been so concerned over me,
flooding my inbox with caring emails,
asking me to take care,
to remember to smile,
to be happy,
yet never once demanding to know the reason behind my emotional entries,
at the beginning of this year.




Sorry I have not replied those kind emails.
I guess,
even till now,
it's difficult to admit to myself,
and to others,
that I have failed;
that we have failed.




Nevertheless,
it's really time I am honest with myself.
Part of this entry was actually written along my birthday entry the day before,
I guess it has something to do with a new year, growing up, coming of age,
that makes me that much determined to come clean.





I feel like a weight of burden is off my shoulders. :)




I am ok.
Just like how some of my friends who had have their hearts broken before have warned me,
there are ups and downs.
Some days, I feel all dandy and that I can do this,
but there are nights when I get swallowed by sorrow.
But the ups overweight the downs,
so I guess I am en route to full recovery.
:)




There was a time when I forced smiles and laughter so that the people who loved me would not worry,
but I can place my hand over my heart now,
and tell myself that,
every smile,
every laugh,
of mine,
is genuine,
and comes from the left side of my chest.





It's not necessary to document my entire growing experience in this ordeal,
though I think of my blog as a diary, a record of experiences.
Simply because they are kept in my head and my heart;
the very two things that I have been using to help me be stronger.



Everything happens for a reason,
and though sometimes it echoes like a lame excuse in my ears,
deep down,
I know it's true.
Life has been too good for me,
and facing a trauma like this only humbles you,
and open your eyes to the people, and the things that do care.
And oh well,
having my heart broken,
just makes me that much human.





No one goes through a traumatic experience like this,
and remain the same,
and I am happy to say that,
I have grown so much,
that not only have I became stronger,
I would also like to think that I have became a better person.
At the very least,
I have rekindled precious friendships,
that mean so much to me.




So there you go,
some of you who have been asking me the secret to my weight loss.
Have your heart broken,
and the rest will come naturally.
;)



************************************************

Joke aside,
I just want to be happy.
Which was precisely the wish that I made when I blew the candles the day before.
No Chanels,
or little trinkets,
or pretty satin dresses.
'Cause one thing I have learn is that,
happiness is intangible,
and is really a state of the mind and the heart,
as compared to the state of your bag collection.


It could be a good joke,
a perfectly baked char siew puff,
a beautiful morning.
Lovely friends,
loving family.
:)



Truth to be told,
my birthday felt like any other day to me,
mainly because I started it with work (was working past midnight),
and worked till 10pm on the actual day itself;
so essentially I only had 2 hours to celebrate,
before I gave up the crown of being a birthday girl.


I spent the 2 hours (and the hours beyond that),
sipping red wine and champagne,
have my friend serenade me with a pool cue stick wtf,
got a 'chanel' trinket (white chocolate strips arranged to be a double C -_-),
wearing a dangerously low-cut dress (in my defense I wore a cardigan during working hours) and have my colleague tell my that if we were in a club, he would picked me up in a heartbeat,
singing emo songs arm-in-arm,
splitting into team Malaysia to belch out Belaian Jiwa and Mungkin Nanti.
Laughing my head off at my Singaporean friend who read Malay words just as how he would pronounce it in English, singing 'sendiri' as 'sen-dai-ri', pronounced 'coba' as 'cobra' WTF.


It was a little strange to not be celebrating my birthday with my ultimate loved ones,
but nonetheless,
it was lovely to to be with this core group of people that I have came to love in Singapore.
When the entire trauma happened earlier this year,
I wasn't able to go home as often due to work commitments,
and it was them who told me hopeful stories,
sent me encouraging texts,
had 4-hour long lunch breaks with me wtf,
organised drinking sessions for me,
and basically was just there to make sure I am alright.
:)








What can I say,
I am a lucky girl.
Not so lucky in certain aspects,
but overall,
a blessed, loved girl.









And really, what more can I ask for. :)

39 comments:

YanPing said...

Hugs.. you are very brave my dear... this route to recovery is tough but with so many loved ones around, you will complete the journey eventually and looking back & smile.. take care babe..u r loved by me too !! :)

mk干物女 said...

I've been through the same phase 6 months ago. The pain was excruciating. But time heals especially when you have such wonderful ppl around you. Life goes on after all. All the best to you *HuGz*

~There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with. - Harry Crews~

Anonymous said...

aww i can so relate... i just had a bad breakup last year... around october? it was so heartbreaking..almost 4 years of living together.
but we can do it =)

PVB said...

hugs :)

Katie! said...

I'm so sorry to hear that babe.. But I guessed I kinda guessed it as well, cause when I went through the same thing I debated endlessly over whether to mention it on my blog or not. Great to see you back again, big hugs! :)

Sue Lin said...

Happy to see u on the road to recovery, it was quite upsetting seeing your sad posts at the beginning of the year. Take ur time, time will heal =) Hugs!

fourfeetnine said...

so glad you're better :):)

Joshua said...

I've had a few birthdays where I just wished to be happy as well, funny how it's not as easy as it sounds!

Or maybe it is, but I'm just stopping myself from feeling it.

It's just surprising coming to know that other people wish for something as simple as that too. Especially you, bubbly Hui Wen!

Anyway, sounds like you're holding up really well *pats

You can have another birthday celebration when you're on your holiday! :D

Jing and I have been planning a belated joint 21st excuse-to-have-nice-dinner since forever wtf.

Lisa! said...

Glad you are feeling better. You deserve all the happiness in the world :)

*hugs*

Adryna said...

i hope you are not crying when you wrote these, because this entry really makes me sad and touched. i have experienced that too, and its really hurtful, those days where i dont want to feel like that again. :( i hope you will soon be back to normal again and find some one , or at least you will find a phase where u can let go of it & already can forget a little.
however your post is very funny too :) i know it's hard but keep holding on okay. ;) hugs,

haslihb said...

Hiiiii!!! Kinda guess it not really, tertanya tanya maybe hehe but your posts are always happy happy :)) glad are fine as dandy now. Take care!!

Anonymous said...

I've suffered a bad quasi break up last year and took me an entire year to recuperate and finally gotten back to my feet.
have noticed that u've not made any mention bout ur bf for quite some time.
anyway, all the best :D im sure u'l be able to weather through the storm!

sulynn said...

*big big hugsssss*

and happy birthday! :)

Vivien said...

I was craving for char siew baos and suddenly I read that omg T___________________T someone please break my heart now, LOL I'm kidding! ♥

I'm glad you're ok now. :)

You have amazing courage to talk about this, and I admire you for that. ♥ You could aways celebrate your birthday another time because everyday's our birthday like what Ting said! ;) And when you see your lovely sisters, go celebrate it okay! Splurge on a double C ;D

Happy Birthday!

Joanne said...

very very beautifully written :)
i truly believe everything happens for a reason and someone up there may have a better grander plan for you :)
chin up dear :)
u do realize u have so many supportive nice loving ppl around u
and happy belated birthday! (not sure when is ur bday tho)

jean` said...

it must've been a difficult time especially when you needed to put on a brave front and a smile every morning you went to work.

its sad to know that you're no longer together, but do know that you will always have a friend in me dear.

i hope your route to recovery will be a quick and happy one.

lots of love ;)

Anonymous said...

Hey babe glad you could power through such painful phase~~~ My bf chucked me like 2 months ago....it was especially difficult since he chuck me like weeks before my finals!!!~ Had hard time adjusting and to accept the fact but we are strong independent women yes!!!~ *Survivor-mode* My best wishes to u on your future undertakings!!!~

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
siewkwan said...

I think you are very brave to even enclose it here, because as you have put it in the entry, you really are not obliged to. Smile, it will only get better. :)

Suet Li said...

happy birthday love ♥ you are such a strong person, emotionally and physically wtf. meet up when i go back? ok? no ok? goodbye?

Anonymous said...

oh dear!
you are very brave to post this up!
super sad to read this!
yes you are very blessed and we all love you!
you will meet the one!!!!

Anonymous said...

i love reading ur posts because u make everything so real...reading about the emotional experiences of people around the world makes me think of how such simple things in our lives can make or break our day. life is strange, when we are sad we try not to cry and when all else fails we shed a tear...but when u realise the worst has come and gone, u'll realise that u were fine before u met him, and u'll be fine long after. =]

Cherry said...

glad you are feeling better now. =)
Hugs

*xen said...

glad to know you had a good one. see you soon my dear! (:

vii said...

everything happens for a reason, i guess what had happened to you made you a much more stronger person. true, we all have our ups and downs in life, no denying on that but in the end of the day, it is still us who needs to be strong and move on. your journey still continues...hope you are feeling fine now and wish you a blessed belated birthday. i like reading your blog and your sisters'. always fun!

applecore said...

time heals evrythin'....
b sure 2 smile 2day bcuz der so many ppl around u who will always b der 4 u~~

xiang yun said...

You'd feel that are so strong yet vulnerable at the same time dear. I wish you all the best and may your heart heal with time. Continue being strong and keep smiling!! =]

Anonymous said...

wanted to 'show concern' earlier, but decided against it coz, i guess, you are ready when you are ready. only time can heal.

anyway, just wanted to say i enjoy reading your blog (and your sisters'). you guys are real and fun. and the shopping posts is really exciting (as someone said, living my shopping fantasy through you (ie the Hoe sisters' shopping frenzy).

Eeflin said...

pain helps us appreciate the ones that are around, and hopefully, grow.

take care, things will get better in time :)

tze said...

chin up :)

and yes, a break up is the best way to lose weight *sadistic

girlie said...

hey, have always been a silent reader for the past 2 years. just wanna say stay strong and everything else will fall into place at your pace. as cliche as it sounds, time will heal. not everything but almost *hugs*

nana said...

Happy birthday love! :) sorry to hear that to happen, but am glad you are happy again. Am always ready to listen and read yr blog post, happy or sad. :)

Missus Du Jour said...

keep smiling - am glad you are okay :)

Anonymous said...

a virtual hug, bright superstar. this post was raw, honest and every bit brave to have it share with the rest of the world. i appreciate your sharing and hands down for your courage to have put on a smile for the past 5 months. :)

[ miss hazel ] said...

thou it has been almost 10months since the breakup. there isn't a day goes by that I do not think of him.


take care. <3

CoNnie said...

u're such a strong girl. really hope that u could get through this phase in u're life in the best possible way. *big hugs*

Felice said...

*hugsss* You are indeed very brave dear...I hope things are better for you right now. Things happen for a reason & I'm pretty sure you'll find someone better in the near future. Keep smiling & be happy! :)

Anonymous said...

i had this 2yrs ago but i m still going through it now. this is unhealthy i know.but we keep in touch, as like we nvr broke up before. but, he was attached, he told me he will break up with that gal n come back to me,however, it has taken up like more than half a yr for him to do so. i m not sure if what he said is truthful or not,i started to doubt it.weight loss attacked me along these 2 yrs.i have slimmed down like 7 kgs altogether.it's really painful i know!but i believe,once the right person appears,all the disgraceful stuff will eventually go off! add oil my dear

Anonymous said...

glad you're better, you're very brave =) reading your post gave me strength as well. thank you... really.