Sunday, October 10, 2010

I wish I can pack all of you here.

In the firm,we sit at hot-desking areas (i.e. there are no fixed seats for us), and we will have our own pin code to log into our own phone extension. Clearance happened in a whirlwind, and I didn't really absorb the fact that I was officially unemployed; not part of the firm. It hit me in full force when I logged out of my phone for the last time.

On my last day in Singapore yesterday (Saturday), I had to head back to my office area to run some errands; and suddenly I had an impulse to go back to office... just to have a last look. Maybe to sit at the hot-desking area one last time. Run my fingers across the printer 31B which always jam up at the most crucial moments. Walk to the pantry with a chatty tea lady always nearby. Sniff the air of the place which I spent so many long nights at. But then I remembered that I have returned my staff pass and there was no way I could get into the office.

It's a strange emotion. I have made the decision to go home. I know I want to be home. Yet... There's a sentiment attached to a place which I have been for the past 2 years... Attached to my first and only job. I am not passionate about audit, but it has taught me so many things and made me grow so incredibly much.

When I was new at the firm, one of my seniors commented that I was too jovial, too happy and 'laughy', and she betted that in 4 months' time audit will somber me up. Said senior even betted that I won't last through peak period, because I looked too happy-go-lucky. Well, guess what. I have graduated from my 2 years stint in Singapore as a senior, and not only that, I was a high performer. And I am still all smiles and all laughs, even during the most stressful times. :)

When you work 5am nights straight for a week, when you work every weekend (full work day hours) for consecutive months... Things like that really toughen you up. I have proven to myself that all the things that I thought about myself is true-- that I preservere, that I am dedicated, that I am a quick learner. I am not really your cookie cutter type of auditor; I think out of the box, and I always try to improve. And the same things are commended by my superiors, which is a pretty damn good feeling.

Alas, whilst I leave my first ever job with a heavy heart, it is leaving my colleagues behind that really wrings my heart. I don't have my immediate family with me in Singapore, and well, they have became sort of my pseudo-family. These are people who knows my favorite food, who accepts that I am kind of bimbotic but a pretty damn hard worker, sends me macarons from Australia, knows my standard breakfast order at the kopitiam nearby our office. People who held me high when I was broken from my break-up earlier this year because they are the people who see me the most (peak period = work 24/7). People who slogged with me through wee hours in the day. People who allowed me to be, well, me. People who have became such a big part of my life, and it's strange and painful to give up this part of my life now.

It kinda feels like I am breaking up, but with many people at the same time.


Anonymous said...

i love reading you :)

and can i ask, why did u leave? :(

smalls said...

*hugs* cheer up dearie
you'll soon find a new work place with amazing colleagues as well
or you'll will just wait for me to retire and we be yoga tai tai kakis <3

see u soon k

PVB said...

you have a really good relationship with your colleagues :)

but, i never believe colleagues can be friends due to interest conflict.

KITMEY said...

resigning felt like a break up for me too!!

im sure there's alot of emotions running through your mind now, but most importantly you've achieved what you wanted (mission accomplish) and can happily move back kl with no regrets :)

revel in me said...

anonymous: Thank you dear! I left because I want to be home. :)

smalls: While I am bumming now can we be yoga kakis already? :P I will come bug you once I am back from Korea! <3

PVB: I do! They are amazing people. :) I guess in audit you don't get competition like it is in commercial industries... It's more of an individual performance thing-- so long as you do your job well, you will get the necessary progression, so there isn't really any conflicts of interest.

allison: Ya, I know. :) But like all break-ups I need time to heal for now! :)

Anonymous said...

why is he lying on ur chest!!! (roar)

Bleusnow said...

First time commenting :)

I know what you mean. I cried on my last day in my ex audit firm.(as in tears rolling down)! Could't help it as all of the hardwork, the nights spent, the team work, the laughter, the stress, the sleepless night hugging the audit files/computer beside the bed became part of us some more.

But what I learned was, there is much more to gain (knowledge) outside the world of audit. And you will do well. Ganbatte!

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