Saturday, July 16, 2011

A trip down memory lane.

Boo.
I know.

I haven't been blogging much.

As you all *should* know, my laptop crashed in Korea.

So I am borrowing Teeny's mac now, and for some reason, her laptop doesn't read my external hard disk, nor does it have a SD card slot-- that means I can't upload pictures. T_T So presumably, no new pictures till I go get a card reader this weekend k?

Anyway, not having access to my documents (pictures or otherwise) is proving to be very very inconvenient! For example, to do up an upcoming advertorial, I had to go through all my blog archives to find pictures. -__-

BUT!

Whilst I was going through my older entries, I found some interesting reads!



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Read THIS ('To right a wrong').

I know what I am going to say is totally not right, but when I read it, I was like FUIYOHHH why was my writing so good WTF. I seriously felt a little teary reading the entry k! Each word, each emotion was so cleverly strung together...

I guess I am a great writer when I am emo, haha.



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And another very enlightening read... I would even call it an eye-opener for myself. *CLICK * ('New year 1 2 3')

This was an entry written on the last day of 2008. Ironically we are already more than halfway into 2011. Almost 3 years. And it's really quite intriguing to look back into how I felt then, and how much I could still relate.



In No.1, I brought up my fear of Teeny and Jing leaving for Australia. Well, they have both left already... and one (Teeny) is even back for good now. Currently, they are both away (for Teeny, only temporarily), and sometimes I do feel lonely at home. But I deal with it by busying myself with activities. The hardest thing is always saying goodbye when sending them off. The stinging behind the eyes, the choked-up feeling in the throat... that never changes. But somehow we have all managed with our long distance relationship. :)



In No.2, I wrote this:

I can't say that 2008 was a 100% happy year-- largely due to my work. Surprise surprise, I don't love what I do. But, on the bright side of things, I got to know myself better. I always thought that with my materialistic tendencies and my penchant for finer things in life, I am one to sacrifice my passions/beliefs just to rake in more moolah. But I found out that that is not true. It turns out that I am simpler than I thought. :) And because of this newfound knowledge of myself, I am empowered to make some changes in my life. Maybe not in the near near future, I am too practical for that. But god, give me courage to step out of my comfort zone.


Reading this excerpt made me smile. It's true, I hated what I did even when I first started doing it (the entry was written when I have worked for exactly 6 months). But what I didn't realise then was that I've already decided that I don't need truckloads of money or riches to be happy... and that in some unexplainable way, something inside me was already changing to find the courage to pursue something that I love. I prayed for courage to step out of my comfort zone; and look at where I am today. :)



In No.3, I listed some resolutions for 2009. Let's revisit them:



1. I need to eat well, sleep well, exercise well. Since I have started work, heck, since I started uni for that matter, my lifestyle has taken a serious shift for the worse. I sleep at 3-4am, wake up around noon or even later sometimes. I eat fast food way too often for my own good. I have stopped exercising since I came to Singapore. I don't eat enough fruits. I don't moisturise enough. I just don't do enough. And that needs to stop. 'Cause I am my biggest asset, I am the machine that I am, and if I don't take care of myself, no one will. :)


God damn it, 2 years++ plus later, and my resolution remains unachieved. -_- At the beginning of this year, I was still doing okay-- living with Teeny who is a fitness craze forced me to eat healthily and go to the gym frequently. But once AZORIAS was launched, uh oh, there goes my 'normal' lifestyle. Now that we are slowly overcoming the learning curve, I hope to regain some normalcy in my lifestyle.. I MUST!

Just watch me, next week I am going back to the gym.*determined face*




2. My wellbeing also has to do with my social side. I have to admit, I have become quite the recluse lately. Especially with my work piling up... sleep and me-time just seems so much more appealing. I must make a conscious effort in my existing friendships, and also in forming new ones. Age is making me lazy when it comes to making new friends-- 'cause I know almost instantaneously whether I can click with a certain person. But what I don't know is that sometimes my judgement can be wrong! So bad hui wen, must change that. I used to be a much better friend, what has happened to that, sigh.

I think I am doing okay for this one... No doubt, sometimes I am really busy and have no time to meet up with some friends, but I can honestly say I try! And I don't just hang out with my best friend who can see me in a ratty tatty tee and not bat an eyelid; but I am actually taking the effort to meet people-- both new and old friends alike. Am also finding myself attending a lot more social events, even attending them alone-- whereas in the past I would actually be quite uncomfortable to be alone in such social settings.

Another way to up a level for this resolution-- manage my time efficiency, so that I have even more time for my social life!




3. I need to do more things that I love. And I don't mean shopping, haha. I used to love making crafts and just getting my hands dirty, what has happened to that. I just need to be more aware and conscious of myself, if that makes any sense. I don't really know how to put it into words, it's quite abstract. :)


Everyday I am doing something I love. Enough said. :)




4. This is sort of a no-brainer, but I need to shop less! This whole year has just been one massive shopping ride, and I think it's time I say stop. The boyfriend went into my room that day, and he told me that if his mom saw my room, she would never ever let him marry me wtf. And he told me that when we get married, he is only going to let me own 500 clothing items at any one point. Which is why I am looking for a new boyfriend WTF. Jokes aside, I still love clothes and all things beautiful, but I need to be more cautious that's all. Just a little bit more control. :)


Achieved! Sort of. Excluding some AZORIAS items that I keep a piece for myself and shopping in Korea (my resistance level is very low in that country wtf), I honestly don't shop much. Not even once a month? But I am no angel though, I do confess that I've bought a few bags since the entry. :( But at least they are quality buys, as compared to me buying loads of disposable crap that I only wear once. That's basically what I ask myself now when I shop-- how many times will I wear this? Which is why I buy more expensive things-- but I get way more wears out of them now.




5. Be happy. This one is quite personal, like point 3. It's not that I am not happy now or anything.. But I need to find back that inner peace and just that omnipresent happiness radiating inside of me... I used to have that, but work has made me an angsty person. And I don't like that. I am born to be a happy person, and to make people around me happy, and I musn't let that change. :)

Reading this made me kind of... sad. I always tell people that I wasn't happy in Singapore, but reading this made me realise that my unhappiness actually started way way earlier than I remembered (don't forget, the entry was written when I was 6 months into living in SG). How did I live being so unhappy for so long? I don't really know. But I am happy to tell you all now that I think I found that old Hui Wen inside me. That inner peace and omnipresent happiness pulsating in me that I was talking about... I think I've got it again. :)


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7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mac cannot read Pc's hard disc. One is FAT32, another is NTFS format. Just connect hard disc to another windows/ pc to use & it will be fine. :)

The Faux Fashionista said...

I can totally relate to almost everything in this post - especially about finding inner peace, doing what you love, and rediscovering the true you.

It's funny, back in our parents' days they didn't seem to have such soul-searching dilemmas that are so prevalent among youth these days. Gone are the days of employee loyalty and cradle to the grave employment. I wonder what changed?

I personally think it's technology. We are exposed to so much more than our parents were at our age, so we are more conscious of the fact that there is more to life than where we are at any given point.

Sorry for the lengthy comment, it's just that I have pondered and felt the exact same way :)

Meet up soon!!!

revel in me said...

anonymous: Ooh okok! I just got my new laptop (windows), but I've no programs installed in it yet, hence I am borrowing my sis' mac at the meantime! Thank you! :)


faux fashionista: Ya, it's very true, I realised that our generation question work-fulfillment/ happiness a lot more than our parents! I do think it's a good thing though, that more of us are seeking beyond that is the 'norm' or 'socially-acceptable'. Can't wait to meet up! :)

Susan Lee said...

I can so relate to no 5 dearie. Hope you're feel much better already. If you ever need some one to talk to, I'm all ears. Looking back does help us to understand ourselves better while pushing us to be a better person. *Hugs*

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this post. I am in the midst of deciding my life, career to be more precise. I am in the crossroad. No, I am not doing what I want to do most but I am in a place I am dear to most. Somehow, it makes me happy and at ease. 10 years ago, I will not anticipate I will be where I am at now, I would have expected something more extraordinary for myself. Yes, I lead a simple life (no fancy MNC on my resume) but I am happy, and it works for me. Once again, thank you for this post. I have been your silent reader (and your customer). Keep up this blog and all the best in your business. It's truly an inspiration to many young female adults like myself out there!

revel in me said...

susan: Thanks dear! Yes, I am feeling top class now.. Being home has a huge part to do with it! That, and some inner peace/happiness/confidence. Maybe one day I will blog more about that. :)


anonymous: I always feel a little fluttery inside when I meet someone who chose happiness, simple happiness, over the materialistic,superficial side of life. So thank YOU for giving me a reminder tonight, that hopefully we made the right decision. :) And thank you for all your kind words and support! It means more to me than you can ever imagine. It makes me feel like.. I am not alone on this journey. :)

ap said...

oh wow the hospital post i clicked thru and found my old forgotten comment lol u know what i love that you emanate energy like noone else