Tuesday, October 25, 2011


I actually went to bed already, but I just couldn't fall asleep.

And it suddenly hit me, the solution that I need.

What I really need to do, and want to do, is to go on a soul-searching trip. No work, no worries. Not alone though. What I need to bring with me is a team of my closest friends. I even have the namelist carved out in my head.

The trip will be filled with heart-to-heart talks... Talks about my dreams, my fears, my hopes, my insecurities... It will all be about re-discovering myself.

Why the sudden revelation?

I haven't been feeling like myself... Somehow, I feel like I lost a bit of my sparkle. Does that make sense? Did I even used to sparkle? Do I know why? Maybe I do. But I don't know. I am alone with my thoughts, with no one to talk to. Sad, isn't it? But everyone is so busy with their own lives, so fixated with their own course, that I feel bad to ask for a bit of time.. to talk. To listen.

Back to the people that I want to bring along with the trip... Half of them are in Australia, I just realized. What does this mean? Do I go to Australia for said trip? Will they have time for me? Will anyone have time for me? But these people, these people in my list... They are people who are good for me. They are the people who are partly responsible for making me who I am today.. Or at least reminding me of who I was. Or am I still that person?

Some days I feel like I am at the bottom of the well, wanting to scream for attention but my efforts are futile. Some days, I even joked to myself with the idea of checking into a shrink just so that I have someone to talk to.

I need someone to talk to.. But is it anyone that will do?

I don't know. These days, it seems that there a lot of things that I don't know.

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Kim L said...

:( you can talk to me? Hope you'll feel better :)

ally said...

*drags you to new york

jeanchristie said...

I guess every now and again we will feel like that? I know I do.

Sadly.. uprooting here and there and finally moving back home means that our friends are everywhere.

Remember they're always a call away, and if you ever need them, they will make time.

I'm trying to find the zest too. meh.

Lemon curd tart? ;)

mustardqueen said...

That's why we need to go out for lunches!!!!

Anonymous said...

to disneyland!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes you need your buddies!!!!!
go go go!!! you need to go!!!!
but come back and Shineeeeeeeee!!!!
love you lotsssssssssss!!!!!!
you are awesomeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
keep it up!!!!

jaclyn said...

new york, new york!